This story was originally written on December 30, 2016
Males of a certain type, know the glorious feeling of taking three powerful steps and launching oneself on the handle of a shopping cart. There is a thrill that comes from sliding your feet along the polished concrete floor, seeming to defy gravity…a little like forward motion moon-walking without the grace or rhythm.
Cart surfing borrows its name from actual surfing, because both have the sensation of low level flying. I surfed in Galveston and Padre Island when I was young, but spent most of my time retrieving my board after wiping out, then paddling back through a series of waves that were better than the one I chose a few seconds earlier.
As a senior citizen, I decided to dedicate my energy and skill to surfing on grocery carts. You don’t have to hold your breath and I have yet to be stung by a jellyfish in HEB.
I haven’t reviewed all the stores, but Target has the best carts I have seen. They are solidly built, they are comfortable on the arms and they are tall enough for someone of my height. That being said, HEB is where I get most of my cart surfing practice. Anita has yet to see the virtues of superior cart construction and, instead, chooses a grocery store on the basis of pricing, selection and convenience. I forgive her because we all have our blind spots.
On November 30, I finished a meeting in Houston and Anita was shopping at Hobby Lobby for Christmas decorations. I decided to join her and immediately noticed the woefully light weight and undersized shopping carts. Nonetheless, the urge was overwhelming and I pushed myself up and took off.
Instead of supporting my weight in gleeful suspension, the cart slid forward…which meant that I went down. I caught myself with both hands, but most of the weight went to my right side, where I have been recuperating from a rotator cuff shoulder injury.
I was now sitting on the floor of the store with an overturned cart and the contents of strewn around me. I was embarrassed and hurting. Anita was freaking thinking I had suffered a stroke or heart attack. I assured her that I was okay, but I was in a lot of pain.
I got up with blurred vision and dizziness, but eventually made it home with some help. We called my orthopedic shoulder doctor and set up an appointment and he scheduled an MRI thinking that arthroscopic surgery was to follow. Instead, the pictures showed a growth on my right scapula (shoulder blade).
He sent me to a Musculoskeletal Oncologist then a regular Oncologist. Over the following days, I had a PET Scan, Full-Body X-ray, a biopsy of the tumor followed by another MRI with contrast.
The diagnosis is that I have Multiple Myeloma with three tumors. The one in my shoulder and two smaller ones on my spine.
As it turns out, the outlook is very good. I am currently on a strong dose of Steroids and I have started radiation therapy, which should take care of the growths.
After the Steroids are gone, I will go to a series of oral medicines that are Chemotherapy-like. In a few months, the plan is to rejuvenate my bone marrow via stem cell replacement with my own body’s cells, presumably cleaned up prim and proper.
One of the tumors on my spine is apparently in imminent danger of pressing into the spinal cord which could cause some pretty serious problems. Both oncologists and the radiation doctor were spooked about the spinal growth and favored a frenetic schedule. So, from original detection of the shoulder tumor on an MRI on December 9 to steroids 13 days later with Radiation Therapy a few days after that.
My pain from the shoulder was so minimal that I wouldn’t have gone to a doctor for months, meanwhile the heretofore painless tumor in my spine was growing fast and could have resulted in paralysis and, perhaps a significantly shortened life.
Yes, I was saved because of a fall from a juvenal trick.
I am now committed to doing all the stupid stuff I’m not supposed to do. It may be wrestling bears, wingsuit flying or swimming with Great Whites, but I figure I owe the gods of daring and dumbness a few good ones.
Jay
Jay's Musings 